Talks From the Funerals

Hello - Many people have requested copies of certain talks given at the funerals. Here they are, along with some comments.

First is the eulogy. There are two versions of it, one from each funeral. The main difference between them is that the first one (given in Centreville, Virginia) contains a message from us to his assailant. It was quite therapeutic at the time, and I'm glad we put it in there. For the second funeral (in Riverton, Utah), however, we decided we didn't want to perpetuate the same level of anger, so we took that part out. There were also a few other minor changes, but nothing worth enumerating here.

So here they are (click on the links): The Virginia eulogy and the Utah eulogy. Also, shown below in this post are a couple of photos relating to stories we shared about Todd.

Also very much in demand has been Mark's talk on forgiveness, which was delivered in the same form at both services. It really is excellent, and I highly recommend reading it. We have actually been discussing submitting a modified version of it for publication in The Ensign. We'll see how that goes. Anyway, here's the link for that one.

And here's Todd!















Here's Todd as Aslan the lion in Narnia. I'm not sure of the date, but I think it was maybe two years ago. It was definitely while he was living in Ridgecrest.




























Home for the Holidays in 1999: Here's Todd "lovingly obeying his mother" by bringing Scott for dinner. ;-) Some things we thought would never change! (*Sigh!*) Scott's face has been blocked out for security reasons -- we don't want John knowing what he looks like.

We miss you, Todd!

Love,
Lisa

Programs from the Funerals

Hello - Here are scanned copies of the programs we used at each of the funerals. Thanks, Carrie!

• Centreville, Virginia, July 6, 2007


• Riverton, Utah, July 14, 2007

Love,
Lisa

Thank You

Our special thanks to Detective Steven Shillingford as well as to everyone who has helped him in any way with this investigation. You are all doing a wonderful job and your efforts are greatly appreciated.

Carma & David

IT'S A GREAT BLOG!

Thank you, Lisa, for creating such a great blog in Todd's memory. I miss Todd. We all miss Todd, and I'm so sad his life ended the way it did. However, the Lord always blesses us as we fight life's battles. He has sent us the Comforter who has given us peace in our hearts.

It has been interesting to go through the grieving process, and we have definitely been going through the “refiner’s fire.” Sometimes I cry, sometimes I laugh when I think of fond memories, sometimes I worry about Todd’s siblings and Carrie as they struggle to deal with the pain, sometimes I'm angry with John that he would take Todd's life in such a senseless way, and sometimes I praise the Lord for his blessings and peace. What an emotional rollercoaster!

Given time, I will definitely forgive John for what he has done. However, John won’t really benefit from this because he doesn’t need my forgiveness. What he needs is God’s forgiveness, and I suspect that’s going to be pretty hard to come by. I must forgive for my own benefit and because God has commanded it. I have no desire to wallow in anger and self pity over what has happened which would, in the end, make me a bitter and cantankerous person. I want to let it go, and I can let it go with Heavenly Father’s help. Forgiveness is a process that can take a long time – maybe even years. Forgiveness is also a gift from God and we can’t achieve it without His help.

Thank you to the many friends and loved ones who have reached out to us and prayed for us. Your prayers have definitely helped. We are so appreciative of your support.

Love,
Carma

Todd's Voice

Hello - I'm posting a .wav file of the very last voice message I received from Todd. It was left late in the day on Friday, June 29th, a little over 24 hours before the assault. He had taken off work that day, and he and Carrie went to the temple together. (That's when they took the picture you see on the left.) While they were inside, they happened to run into Norm Wendel, our old high school music teacher from Taylorsville, Utah! It was such a surprising reunion, he wanted to call and tell me about it!

Anyway, after the temple, Todd and Carrie went ring shopping. The next day, Saturday the 30th, was also a beautiful day that Todd spent with loved ones. We're so grateful for those final hours that we had with him! Now, it seems strange to cherish something as ordinary as a message left on voice mail, but what can I say? I miss Todd!

Click here to access the sound file. I'm afraid it's rather large, around 1M, but well worth listening to!

Love,
Lisa

Adding blog feed to your Google home page

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Love,
Lisa

Evidence

Not that anyone would, but for those who may publish to this blog, this is a friendly reminder to please not write about any witnesses and/or evidence, related to this case in this forum. That information may be shared here after the case has been to trial.

However if anyone has any information regarding the case (good or bad), please do share it with the Fairfax County Police Department as soon as possible. Contact information is posted below.

Forgiveness

Tonight as I began my personal scripture study, I realized it was the first time I'd opened my scriptures since Todd died. With all the craziness that's been happening since then -- and with all the emotional exhaustion -- I simply hadn't gotten to it. But I'm glad I did tonight. It was a lot like coming home; like coming in for a safe landing after a long and painful flight.

This evening, I opened to 3rd Nephi, chapter 5 (in The Book of Mormon) because that's where my bookmark happened to be. In the preceding chapters, the Nephites had been fighting against the Gadianton Robbers, who at one point had overrun the entire land. But the Nephites, who had gathered and fortified themselves in one central location, had held out and finally conquered. How ironic that this was the point at which I found myself reading this evening! In verses 4 and 5, I read the following:

"And now it came to pass that when they had taken all the robbers prisoners, insomuch that none did escape who were not slain, they did cast their prisoners into prison, and did cause the word of God to be preached unto them; and as many as would reprent of their sins and enter into a covenant that they would murder no more were set at liberty. / But as many as there were who did not enter into a covenant, and who did still continue to have those secret murders in their hearts, yea, as many as were found breathing out threatenings against their brethren were condemned and punished according to the law."

It's not a perfect parallel with our current situation. For one thing, John's already been given the gospel. Still, a very interesting thing happened as I read those verses... I began to feel what I would describe as the first faint beginnings of forgiveness toward him.

Now, here I am sitting at my computer, and I'm still amazed at what I felt -- and still feel -- since that reading. Realistically, I have no expectation that John will ever sincerely repent of what he's done. But this scriptural passage was a reminder to me, I suppose, that the Atonement is still extended to him (though it won't be forced upon him). It also reminded me that this is hardly the first murder case in history! Our family has not been the first to grieve over such a thing; the fact that we are in shock ourselves doesn't mean that the Savior is inexperienced at easing this particular type of suffering or resolving this particular type of injustice. As we put our trust in Him, we are indeed in the hands of a Master!

To paraphrase a thought from Mark's talk at the funeral, John needs God's forgiveness, not mine -- I need to forgive him for my own sake. This first glimmer of inner peace was a welcome discovery. I feel as if I've finally spotted the Land of Canaan in my binoculars. I'm not there yet -- not even close -- but I'm grateful to have seen it.

Love,
Lisa

Salt Lake Funeral Information

For anyone interested in attending the funeral services in Salt Lake, here's the info:

"Funeral services will be held Saturday, July 14th, at the Riverton 8th Ward, 12345 South 2700 West with the viewing at 10:00 am and the services at 11:00 am.

"In lieu of flowers, please make donations in Todd's memory to LDS Humanitarian Services, c/o LDS Philanthropies, Attn: Blair Mortensen, 1665 S. Bennett Road, Salt Lake City, UT 84104."

Love,
Lisa

Anderson Rules Uno

Okay, Russ! Here it is!

Some of you who knew Todd have heard of the monstrosity known as "Anderson Rules Uno." To quote from the eulogy, "Anderson Rules Uno was a monster card game played with at least three Uno decks at a time. Perhaps it had once resembled the original Merle Robbins game, but you'd never know it. The whole thing began as a...diversion with [Todd] and a group of his friends in high school. They would gather in the classroom of their math teacher, Mr. Anderson -- thus the name -- and play what can only be described as the 'Calvin-ball' of card games. The rules even prescribed imitating Mr. Anderson's voice and gestures while making certain plays."

Todd's friend Russ took the initiative and began documenting the rules in writing. He now has them posted online. To view the rules, go to: http://pezao.us/ARUno.htm

Enjoy!

(Todd, the next time we play, can you help me win?) :-D

Love,
Lisa

Since we do need to share some information about the criminal case...

...here's where we'll do it.

Scott found a useful website for checking on the case of John Bloxham (Todd's assailant) online:

Virginia District Court in Fairfax County:
http://208.210.219.132/vadistrict/select.jsp
From there select "Fairfax County General District" court and click on "Begin."
Then select "Criminal."
At the next screen enter "GC07132206-00" in the case number field on the right, or enter "Bloxham, John" in the name field on the left. Hit "Search."

Also, here's a useful link for understanding the Fairfax County court process in general:
http://www.fairfaxcounty.gov/courts/cjsdesc.htm

As of this moment, here is where things stand:
On July 2nd, a magistrate ruled that John would be held in jail without bond. (Yippee!) However, that ruling is still subject to review by a judge, who may or may not decide to uphold it. John has no prior record, has ties to the community, etc. etc. His attorney may argue that holding him without bond is unreasonable for any number of reasons. On July 9th, I sent an email to our V/WAP (Victim/Witness Assistance Program) rep asking when this review by a judge will take place, along with a few other questions. I'll update this post when I learn something.

John also has until July 25th to get an attorney. More accurately, he has until July 25th to retain counsel and have said counsel go on record with the court as being his defense. If he doesn't have an attorney by then, the court will appoint one for him. If I'm not mistaken, he can also expedite the process by requesting court-appointed counsel prior to the 25th.

September 10th is the date currently set for his preliminary hearing, which is where he'll enter a plea. It is extremely possible that John's attorney will file a motion to have that date postponed, so don't hold your breath.

The Fairfax County Commonwealth's Attorney's office (703-246-2776) will appoint a prosecuting attorney to lead the case, but probably not until about three weeks (give or take) prior to the trial. In the meantime, the detectives are conducting their investigation.

The Investigation Itself:
It's important to remember that this is an ongoing investigation. Anyone with information is asked to call Crime Solvers at 1-866-411-TIPS/8477 or Fairfax County Police at 703-691-2131.

The investigation is being headed by the wonderful Det. Steven Shillingford of the Fairfax County Police Homicide Division. His office number is 703-246-7858. He can be paged at 703-612-0142. If you have any information at all that might pertain to this case, you can also give him a ring.

John Bloxham is being held at the Fairfax County Adult Detention Center (703-246-2178).

Thanks!

Lisa

Todd's Obituaries

There are two versions of Todd's obituary being published, one for Manassas and one for Salt Lake.

The first was printed in the Manassas Journal Messenger on July 5th. I think they'll keep it online for 30 days. You can also view a scanned copy of it from the print edition by clicking here.

The second version will be published in Salt Lake. It's not ready yet. I'll add it to this blog after it becomes available.

Love,
Lisa

How to Post to this Blog

As of this moment, I'm the only one who can post. But as soon as I get the technical end of things straight, I plan to give authorship permissions to members of our immediate family and a few close friends. That policy may change later, but that's the plan for now.

Thanks.

- Lisa

A Blog is Born

It's now been a week since Todd passed away and we're all very sad, but we're also pulling together, and I think Todd would be glad about that. We thought it would be a good idea to set up a blog in his memory, so here it is. But how do you capture a person's life in words? The answer is, you can't. But talking and writing about him helps us manage our grief.

I hope this will be a place where we can all write about our memories of Todd, his life, his service, his mind, his tastes, his humor, his friends, and everything else that came together to form that special characteristic "Todd-ness" we now miss so much. We may also decide to talk about his death, and the criminal case now underway, but I hope we won't dwell on that side of things too much. There was so much about Todd's life that was good and worth celebrating.

Todd, it was a privilege having you here with us! We're so grateful to have known you, and even more grateful for our knowledge that life persists beyond mortality, and that we can one day be with you again.

With all our love,
Lisa et al

P.S. The "official" URL for this blog is inmemoryoftodd.blogspot.com